"A Recovering Coward." These are the words I read this morning in Jennifer O. White's piece titled "Discouragement". These three little words encompass a lifetime of fighting intimidators in my life. As long as I can remember, the feeling of intimidation has always plagued me. I am intimidated by the bold words many people speak. I am intimidated by the intelligence level of my colleagues. I am intimidated by the unfriendly stare of a student or parent. I am intimidated by...many people and many situations. And, I am not even sure why, but I know that I am. Unfortunately, this intimidation and fear have followed me into my career, and I have spent many hours trying to overcome it. I do not know if I will ever truly conquer it; part of my nature is that of quiet reflection, of introvert tendencies. I am, however, coming closer to recognizing the subtle behavior changes that happen to me when I perceive the feeling of intimidation taking over my thoughts.
While I can look back and see how far I have come, I know I have more miles on this path. It is not something that once realized I was able to put behind me. It is a daily struggle to build my confidence up and knock the feelings of inadequacy down. I hope that in some way my journey through this can help other introverts see the destructive force that feelings of intimidation can be.
I think the thing that most surprises me with this issue is that it is prevalent in a career that I had very idealistic hopes for when I began almost thirty years ago. I had this crazy dream and hope that everyone would work together for the betterment of our students and our society. I know, I know. Young dreams. I have not completely given up on this ideal, but I now realize that I have allowed the intimidation of the negative people in my career, in my classroom, in society, and in my life dictate how I feel about myself and my efforts. As I continue on this path of recovery from cowardice, I look forward to the reignited dreams of an educator who truly has the best intentions at heart for her students and for her world.
While I can look back and see how far I have come, I know I have more miles on this path. It is not something that once realized I was able to put behind me. It is a daily struggle to build my confidence up and knock the feelings of inadequacy down. I hope that in some way my journey through this can help other introverts see the destructive force that feelings of intimidation can be.
I think the thing that most surprises me with this issue is that it is prevalent in a career that I had very idealistic hopes for when I began almost thirty years ago. I had this crazy dream and hope that everyone would work together for the betterment of our students and our society. I know, I know. Young dreams. I have not completely given up on this ideal, but I now realize that I have allowed the intimidation of the negative people in my career, in my classroom, in society, and in my life dictate how I feel about myself and my efforts. As I continue on this path of recovery from cowardice, I look forward to the reignited dreams of an educator who truly has the best intentions at heart for her students and for her world.